Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Honor Is (Not) My Middle Name

There's a fine line between what I would do and what I would not do for this Nina Ricci Spring RTW 2012 gown. Maybe it's the perfectly lavender hue of the dress or its sheer, bouncy flow that has me hooked. Maybe it's the golden metal trim highlighting the sweetheart neckline. Or maybe it's the way this cherubim grade gown would make anyone look like they fell straight out of heaven (never mind the fact that this model seems to be looking straight into your eyes begging for a cheeseburger). 
While ditching dignity for dresses is something with which college girls are very familiar (most just decide to do it by wearing them two sizes too small and 1 foot too short), I prefer going the extra mile when it comes to throwing my integrity out the window in the name of fashion. Really, it's all about finding the divide between wrong and super wrong. So without further ado:
A Lesson in Honor from Yours Truly 
Some Things I Would Do For This Dress:
1) Hold a worm for 1 minute
2) Eat a mussel or clam
3) Not speak for an entire day (or 2)
4) Give up Diet Coke for a year
5) Write someone a strongly worded letter
6) Kiss a stranger (and proceed to run away as fast as possible)
7) Bite the head off of a small insect
8) Drink 10 shots
9) Slap a nemesis (with harsh words at the very least)
10) Call someone a "douche-canoe"
11) TP a house
12) Get a tiny tattoo
13) Highjack a child's bicycle (and give it back shortly after)
14) Bungee-jump
15) Shoot a can 
Some Things I Would NOT Do For This Dress:
1) Hold a poisonous frog for 1 minute
2) Eat a dog or cat
3) Not shower for an entire month
4) Give up going to school for a year
5) Kill someone (I'm pretty very positively sure I wouldn't do this for a dress)
6) Do more than just kiss a stranger (even if I did proceed to run away as fast as possible)
7) Bite the head off a bat
8) Drink a whole bottle of tequila
9) Slap an elderly person
10) Call someone the c-word
11) Throw a brick at a house
12) Get a tramp stamp
13) Highjack a milk truck (imagine all the calcium-deficient customers who'd be after me)
14) Bungee-jump "Jackass"-style with homemade supplies from a local bridge
15) Shoot a Can-can dancer

As you can see, the yearning for couture can really mess around with a person's morals, and maintaining even an iota of self-respect can be difficult. Just remember where to draw the line, and you can be both daring and stylish (if someone was ever random enough to offer you a Nina Ricci dress in exchange for watching you humiliate yourself, that is). Also keep in mind that if you go to jail, you won't even have the chance to wear this fabric confection. You may be able to use it to buy yourself some inmate allies or toilet paper, though. Your call. 

xo Heidi

No comments:

Post a Comment