[ Ever have one of those days? ]
I've never been the confident girl. While that may not be smart to admit--on the internet nonetheless--it's true, and most of my friends and family can attest to this confession (partly thanks to past regrettable nights spent playing too many drinking games). This past week marked the start of a new semester of classes along with, frankly, a whole lot of just sitting and pondering/anticipating my future. The unpredictability of what's coming next always gets me worked up, and that's when I start my wallowing. But one thing that has significantly mended those old scars of self-doubt is reframing. Reframing my thoughts, that is. Every defeatist brooding I have is one I have to put a favorable spin on. Often the positivity feels utterly contrived, but there's something about forcing myself to smile that makes me laugh instead. And that's genuinely the goal, after all.
Alas, 5 things I hate (and kind of really love) about myself:
1. My cheeks are fat. Yep, go ahead, tell me I'm just being an insecure girl and to shut up. That may be so. It's an inhibition that's been with me since high school. BUT...I can remember at least 2 separate times I won Chubby Bunny contests. You know, that admittedly dangerous kiddy game where you fill your mouth with marshmallows? Champ, right here.
2. I'm always befuddled and at a loss for words when talking to strangers. And not in any sort of cute, charming way. In a weird way. Weird meaning I resort to my sarcastic sense of humor to help me through a conversation. The problem is, insulting someone when he or she doesn't know you're kidding doesn't exactly start a girl off on the right foot. BUT...If a person doesn't understand my humor, do I really wanna be buddy-buddy, anyway? Soon into the friendship, my thoughts would be along the lines of, Wimp, it's time to turn off the Grey's Anatomy and watch a little It's Always Sunny.
3. Possibly my most haunting worry, I'm the complete opposite of athletic. My 5th grade gym teacher threatened to fail me because I couldn't serve a volleyball. Fail me. In gym. In 5th grade. It's probably a talent in itself how bad I am at sports. Hey! There's the bright side! I'm awesome at being terrible athletically! I know, that's probably cheating. Just let me have that one.
4. I'm lazy. Sooo lazy. I order food in when I could easily pick it up just a block away. BUT...I've really broken in my bed from sitting in it so often. I know where all the comfiest spots are.
5. I'm overly sensitive. I take things personally, overanalyze obscure matters, and never know when my next big cry is on its way, something that can cause a lot of awkwardness when it arrives in a public setting. BUT...Can you easily forge your way to the front of the line at the grocery store? I can. Crying chicks tend to make shoppers really uncomfortable, sometimes so much so that they ditch their packed carts and leave the store.
And on that note, I suddenly have a craving for marshmallows.